A Sackful of Sayings No. 5

Different kinds of birds can be catalogued by whether they walk or hop, others by whether they fly or waddle, and yet it is important to find a simple system to fit the length of time it takes feathers to spiral down from the topmost branch of a tree to the leaf-strewn lawn beneath.

At some point washing dishes become an act of faith.  The delicate crystal goblets may or may not survive the process.  If not, like the astronaut who dangles on a string beneath his craft, your hopes will detach themselves and disappear forever.

Cats invented corners and cushions.  Dogs discovered tempting smells to walk around.  Birds demand you deliver toast before the rain clouds burst.

At which precise moment do you remove a freshly washed shirt spinning in the dryer, so it may hand out and lose its wrinkles? At the very same moment, by analogy, when you know you have read enough and may begin to analyse the puzzle of a private scholarly project.

Most of my life I have corresponded with colleagues and friends I have never met, or having met them once, have never travelled back again.  But in some miraculous trips, within a week, fraught with tension and anxiety, I have more personal conversations, sitting with their families, eating warm nostalgic foods, than any lifetime could contain.  Each parting now concludes with—Keep well, my friend, so perhaps we may all meet again, if not here, then in another world.

After many years of faithful service, the ferocious guard dog prowling along the perimeter welcomes with wagging tail intruders searching for an opening.  Vigilance breeds not contempt but familiarity and trust. 

There are so many synagogues in Melbourne, there is even one for non-believers.  That is where I wish I could pray.

Cows at Ruakura used to have windows in their flanks to help scientists observe their digestion.  My books are like that, though no one notices.

The obvious question when I completed my talk on Napoleon I and Napoleon III was where is Napoleon II.  But no students thought to ask, not even when I tossed in a reference to Louis XVII who never made it to the throne.

What kind of fish is this? I asked the young woman touting in front of a Chinese restaurant, and pointed to a tank of lugubrious dark red creatures floating about.  She said, They have no names in English, and pronounced some words in Cantonese.  I tried to mimic her voice and the tones of the language.  She spoke the words again.  O well, I said, I’ll never know them personally.  They will be cooked and eaten before the night is over, but not by me.  She responded with a grin: Very delicious, thanks.

In front of the audience, a talk on some abstruse event in history, the screen on one of many computers, projectors and telephones, lit up: Press here to begin the process.  No, I said, pointing to my forehead, press here to begin the process.

Lots of vintage wine helps the years roll back.  Good laughter leads to intimate revelations.  It also helps to take your shoes off and the heat escape.