Traditional Jewish Jokes & Anecdotes, No. 16

Following Directions

Sholomo Blattstein finally passed his driving examinations.  For ten years it was always the same thing: he would argue with the instructor for the oral questions, cross out all the multi-le guess answers from the written examination, but do fairly well on the practical test.

He would come home full of rage and frustration.,  His wife would try to calm him down. 

“You can’t argue with the rules,” she would say.

“But they’re so stupid,” he would say. 

“Don’t argue.  Do what you are told and get your license, then you can drive however you like.”

Then six months later, the same thing.

“Those choices, they make no sense.  None of the answers are right.  They make no sense.”

“Forget what is common sense.  Do what you are told,” his wife would say.

Six months later, again his complaints that the instructor doesn’t speak clearly or asks impossible manoeuvres.”

“Sholomo,” she would say, “don’t be an idiot.  Do exac tly what you are told.  Don’t make a fuss.”

But on and on it went for ten years.  It was driving him crazy and his wife to distraction.

Finally he came home and said: “Nu, so I passed.  I get my license next week.”

“Mazel tov,”  she said.   “Now when the license comes, read the directions carefully, and do exactly what it says.”

“What am I, an idiot? An ignoramus?  Of course, everything exactly according to the rules.”

So the next week the license came, Shlomo read it carefully, both sides, and went out for a drive, his wife sitting beside him, very proud but also a little bit nervous.

They drive through the streets, and come to the big parkway.

“Be careful,” says Mrs. Blattstein.  “Do everything strictly by the rules.”

Shlomo manoeuvres the car into the parkway, and then he presses his foot down on the accelerator, and races in the middle of the road.

“Givalt,” his wife says.  “Shomo, watch out.”

“I am following the rules.  Exactly.”

Then there is a siren and a traffic cop on a big motor cycle comes alongside, waves his hands, and points to the side of the road.

“What’s going on here?” says the policeman.

“What’s going on?  I am following the directions exactly.  What do you want from me?”

The cop asks for his license.

“Hmmm,” he says, “this is new.  Don’t you know the rules and the regulations?”

“Of course, I do.  Do you think I am idiot.”

“You drive like a mishugganah,” says the cop.  “Who told you to go racing along at top speed in the middle of the highway.”

Sholomo grabs his license back from the cop and points to the words printed on it.

“Look at this,” he says, “right here it says: When you receive this license, tear down the centre line.  So what do you think I was doing?”