More Odd Sayings and Apothegms

Strange Fables, Peculiar Proverbs and Ironic Riddles for Our Times

Fable 1: Two people watch a rock wobble in the front garden.  Several small insects scurry out, fight, and rush back underground.  One of the viewers kicks the rock.  More and more ugly little creatures appear, run around, bang into one another, then hide again.  The second person tries to shift the rock.  As he does so his hands are covered with tiny, slimy beasts.  He stands up and shrieks.  The first person returns, pats him on the shoulder, and both slowly bend down, grab hold of the rock and lift it until drops, but several inches away.  Underneath there are swarms and swarms of insects, bugs, worms, and a variety of slithery and prickly things.  They spread out, fight with one another, and leave mounds and mounds of dead bodies.  Moral: The first person who tried to pick up the rock is responsible for the whole mess because seeing something interferes with the harmony of Nature.

Riddle 1:  What kind of creature can speak out of all its orifices simultaneously and harmoniously without making anyone notice contradictions, internal inconsistencies and incoherence? Responses: If it lives alone in the forest and no one hears, it is the voice of History.  If it is seen to walk in the early morning and late afternoon shadows through a town where people have been trained to ignore it, it is probably waved at affably as a harmless stranger and then quickly forgotten.  If it climbs through a window in the middle of the night, sits by your bed and waits for you to awaken in order to bring you the latest news, it is your own bad conscience, so best not to awaken.

Proverb 1: Flowers sometimes view insects, not as thieves in the night, but as foolish agents of their own erotic desires; so too the way we race to the shore when dolphins and whales miss their cues and lay down their lives, as though they were our erstwhile lovers or prodigal sons.

Fable 2: Three leaves sit on otherwise denuded tree at the end of summer.  One is red, one is gold and one is very pale green. A very light breeze blows. The red leaf shivers, pulls itself free, and floats to the ground, happy to know the end of its life has come.  The wind shifts and becomes unsteady.  The golden leaf tries to maintain its hold on the twig and tries to cry out for help, but in doing so cracks apart, and its parts scatter into the approaching darkness.  Whatever had been its dream of a beautiful future has been lost forever.  Then the very pale green leaf, aware suddenly that it is alone, night has fallen, and the blasts of wind more vociferous, turns in on itself, using its final suppleness to form a hard nut.  As its consciousness disappears, it realizes it should have jumped many days before.  Moral: It is never too early to worry about Fate.

Riddle 2: Once there was a house with so many rooms that no one could keep track of who was where without requiring everyone to sign in and out several times a day.  Some of the rooms were well-furnished, others quite spare, none ever just quite right.  Two or three people could live together, but chose not to.  Others wept every night from loneliness and throughout the day look longingly at their fellow boarders. One morning, everyone awakened to the news that a long-staying inhabitant had decided to leave, but not quite yet.  He wants to get his affairs in order first.  Meanwhile, how should the others decide how to utilize the room to be left vacant, as it is a very large and well-appointed chamber, lacking only important amenity?  Responses: Require the departing member to nominate one or more successors.  Run a lottery based on the alphabetical order of the remaining residents’ names.  Hold a secret ballot with each voter making three choices in order of preference: (a) Where I want to live. (b) Who I don’t want to share the room with. (c) Leave the room empty as a memorial to the exiting member.

Proverb 2. Never walk into a crowded dancehall unless you know all the steps, or barring that, have the charisma to lead everyone astray.

Fable 3.  One day three brothers decided they would go on a killing spree.  They bought some hunting rifles, assault weapons, suicide belts and an assortment of hand grenades, mortar shells and other explosive things.  They seemed to have no trouble obtaining these guns and accessories of mass destruction.  Then they sat down to decide whom they would kill. It would be a soft target, a crowded public space where no one would expect such an attack.  One of the brothers would drive up and down the street tossing grenades into cafes and restaurants.  Another would sit on the roof overlooking a marketplace and pick off people as easy as pie.  And the third, waiting for the police, firemen and ambulances to arrive, would run into their midst and blow himself up.  In a few days all was ready.  The three brothers drove into town. Took up their positions, and followed their plan.  When it was all over, large numbers of innocent people murdered, many officers and medical helpers down, the press discussed what had happened.  It could have been a hate crime, said a reporter for a newspaper.  Perhaps it was an act of workplace violence. Opined a commentator for an international television station.  There is not much evidence, said an expert academic interviewed for an online service, but it seems like it might have been an act of desperation against overcrowding, poor schooling and lack of self-esteem.  Moral: It is neither bullets nor bombs that kill, but only ignorance (or “mental issues”).

Riddle 3. If someone is sworn to uphold the law and applies it in such a way as to bring the law into disrepute, who is at fault: (a) the officer who acts according to his own lights in the midst of the event? (b) the superior who was charged with training and supervising this slow-learner with an unstable personality? (c) the legislators who passed a series of laws which are ambiguous, vague and inapplicable in contemporary circumstances? (d) the colleagues, friends and families of the officer who refused or were unable to pick up all the signs of problems in the brewing? (d) the victim who provoked the action through conformity to stereotypes or nervously attempting to rationalize his presence and presentation? (e) the media people who jumped to conclusions and exacerbated the response of the community? (f) no one? (g) everyone?

Proverb 3: Cyclones and hurricanes teach the way out of circular reasoning.  Keep your head in the clouds and your feet on the ground, and howl for all you are worth. 

Fable 4.  A large, lumbering mammoth, the last of her species, came to the end of the valley, and saw that there was nowhere left to go.  The rest of her herd had long since disappeared, including her own children.  Unable to understand the situation and lacking any skills in imagining a future, she simply stood there as long as she could.  She grew weary, weak and sleepy.  Several thousand years later, she was found frozen and intact, with a full set of DNA.  If someone will reanimate her genetic code, she may be surprised to hear how much we have learned from her.  However, she would still be alone, confused and lacking in imagination. Moral:  Don’t expect your great grand- children or great-great-grandchildren to remember who you were. 

Riddle 4: What is sleepy all the time, but never dreams; awakens more exhausted than when it began; tears apart the ravelled sleeve it was meant to mend? 

Proverb 4.  Some birds hop haphazardly, some walk like drunken mariners, some seem to slide between the crumbs thrown out to them and sneak away the food meant for others.  They gather after breakfast on distant trees to discuss a better strategy for the next meal, but are too excited when they see us to recollect their plans.