More Limericks from Israel

I will languish away in distress,

I have nothing to wear but this dress:

Come look in my drawers,

Open up all of the doors,

as she piled up her clothes in a mess.

An old codger who hobbled from Haifa

Confessed to the crimes of a lifer,

But his feebleness told

That his fixtures were old

And his meysas as false as his fifer.

A couple at last made aliyah:

They had studied the Bava Metzia.

It struck them as odd

That the rabbis asked God

To excuse all their sins in Hertzeliya.

A rebbe from Chelm got excited

When the havdala candle ignited.

He whistled nigun,

Then pulled out a gun

Until he and Ben Bang Bang were delighted.

I have traveled from Brooklyn to Barak,

I have built me a sukka, a barrack,

I served in the army

Like a slice of salami

Passing muster shmearing mustard into marak.

A fellow came down

From the mount with a crown.

He carried two tables

One Salem’s, one Babel’s.

Now separate fiction and fables

From prophecies of renown.

Whilst living in the town of Be’er Sheva

It was cold and I started to quiver:

A little ice, some snow

So I started to know

Why everyone called it Brr-shiver.

Beyond Herzeliya by the beach

We noticed fragments of glass we couldn’t reach

Through the tumbly surf

And if that weren’t enough

It was ancient and pink as a peach.